You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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