my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is wine microwaveable?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
