I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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