First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
