Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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