i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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