The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
