are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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