Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
