i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
