he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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