I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
