HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
