Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
