Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
