I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am naked and annoyed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
