you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
