Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
