just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
