you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
