that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
