Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
