Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
