Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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