1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
