Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
