i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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