It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
