arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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