I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
