if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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