Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
