omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
