I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
