I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
