So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
