I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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