it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
