i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
