omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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