capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
