DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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