So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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