If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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