I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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