How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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