I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
