I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
