she was so not down for the gang bang
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
