I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
