There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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