Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
