Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
