I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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